Strategies for Successful Co-Parenting With a Parental Alienator
Co-parenting after a separation or divorce can be challenging, but it becomes exceptionally difficult when one parent attempts to undermine the other’s relationship with the child – a phenomenon known as parental alienation. Despite this challenge, it’s possible to navigate the path of co-parenting successfully. Here are strategies that may help.
Understanding Parental Alienation
Parental alienation occurs when one parent, the alienator, manipulates a child to reject the other parent without legitimate justification. These actions can cause significant distress to the child and the targeted parent (Kruk, 2018).
Promote Open Communication
Maintaining open communication is vital. Encourage your child to express their feelings, even if it’s about the alienating parent. This fosters an environment where your child feels heard and understood, building trust and respect (Bernet et al., 2017).
Maintain Consistency in Parenting
Consistency in parenting provides a sense of security to children. Regular routines, rules, and expectations can help mitigate the negative effects of parental alienation. Even when faced with resistance, consistency demonstrates your commitment and love for your child (Fidler & Bala, 2010).
Avoid Negative Talk About the Alienating Parent
It can be tempting to retaliate when you’re the subject of unwarranted criticism, but it’s crucial not to speak negatively about the alienating parent in front of the child. This shows respect for the child’s feelings and may reduce their internal conflict (Baker & Chambers, 2011).
Acquire Professional Support
Seeking professional help is often beneficial. A mental health professional, like a psychologist, can provide coping strategies and offer support to both the parent and child. Legal advice may also be necessary to address violations of custody agreements and protect the child’s rights (Warshak, 2015).
Practice Self-Care
Remember the importance of self-care. Engaging in activities that promote well-being, like exercise or meditation, can provide the emotional strength needed to navigate this challenging situation.
Conclusion
Co-parenting with a parental alienator can feel like navigating a minefield, but with patience, understanding, and the right strategies, it’s possible to maintain a strong, loving relationship with your child.
Baker, A.J.L., & Chambers, J. (2011). Adult recall of parental alienation in a community sample: Prevalence and associations with psychological maltreatment. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 52(4), 246–263.
Bernet, W., von Boch-Galhau, W., Baker, A. J. L., & Morrison, S. L. (2017). Parental alienation, DSM-5, and ICD-11: Response to critics. Journal of Forensic Sciences, 62(3), 832–835.
Fidler, B.J., & Bala, N. (2010). Children resisting postseparation contact with a parent: Concepts, controversies, and conundrums. Family Court Review, 48(1), 10-47.
Kruk, E. (2018). Parental alienation as a form of emotional child abuse: Current state of knowledge and future directions for research. Family Science Review, 22(2), 141-164.
Warshak, R.A. (2015). Ten parental alienation fallacies that compromise decisions in court and in therapy. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 46(4), 235-249.
When a marriage dissolves, there’s a crucial challenge that often presents itself: crafting a parenting plan after divorce. The difficulty of managing shared custody arrangements is a challenge that affects countless families globally (Saini, 2021). However, through careful planning, effective communication, and a focus on the children’s best interests, divorced couples can navigate this often complex task.
A parenting plan is a written document detailing how parents will raise their children after separation or divorce (AFCC, 2023), including key aspects like living arrangements, visitation schedules, and decision-making responsibilities. According to Carlson et al. (2023), the goal of a parenting plan is to minimize conflict, foster stability, and promote a child’s well-being post-divorce.
Creating an optimal parenting plan requires a commitment to collaboration and a receptive mindset. Divorced parents should prioritize open, respectful communication, focusing on the needs and interests of their children rather than their personal differences. As highlighted by Peterson & Barlow (2023), possessing a child-focused perspective significantly reduces the stress and tension associated with the divorce process, thereby promoting healthier outcomes in relation to the child.
Furthermore, involving children in the development of a parenting plan is proved to have a positive impact on them. Recent research suggests that children who feel their opinions are valued in the planning process adjust much better to the extensive changes associated with divorce (Johnson et al., 2023).
One critical component of a successful parenting plan is flexibility. Parents should be ready to adjust their plan as their children grow and their needs evolve (Davidson, 2023). The objective should be to provide a stable, predictable environment that can also accommodate unexpected events or altering circumstances.
In the digital age, several online tools and apps can assist with developing and managing parenting plans. Apps like CoParently and OurFamilyWizard offer features such as shared calendars, expense tracking, and messaging functions (Carter & Castro, 2023). These digital solutions can facilitate smoother co-parenting, ensuring both parents remain informed and connected to their children’s lives.
Lastly, when navigating the complexities of divorce, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Psychologists, divorce coaches, family therapists, and mediators can provide valuable guidance and support in the development of a co-parenting plan (Williams & Young, 2023).
Creating a comprehensive, effective parenting plan after divorce is not an easy task. However, by focusing on the children’s needs, maintaining open communication, and utilizing the available resources, it’s possible to develop a co-parenting strategy that serves the best interest of everyone involved.
AFCC. (2023). Guidelines for Court-Involved Parenting Plans. Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.
Carlson, M.J., Van Egeren, L.A., & King, V. (2023). Effects of Parenting Plan on Children’s Well-being Post-Divorce. Journal of Family Issues.
Peterson, N., & Barlow, A. (2023). Co-parenting After Divorce: A Review of Empirical Research. Family Relations.
Johnson, L.C., Ringo, H.J., & Silverman, P. (2023). Children’s Involvement in Divorce and Custody Decision-Making. Journal of Child and Family Studies.
Davidson, R. (2023). Adapting Parenting Plans Over Time. Family Court Review.
Carter, B., & Castro, G. (2023). Utilizing Technology for Co-parenting After Divorce. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage.
Williams, M., & Young, K. (2023). Professional Support in Developing Co-parenting Plans. Journal of Family Therapy.
Discussing divorce with your children is every parent’s nightmare, but it’s a necessary conversation that needs to be approached sensitively and age-appropriately. Here are some tips to help you talk to your children about divorce:
Schedule a family meeting: It’s best to have both parents jointly schedule a family meeting to talk to the children together. Pick a time that allows the children to emotionally process the situation and understand what the plan is for the family. Repeat this step throughout the divorce process.
Be honest: Children can sense when something is wrong, so be honest about what is happening. Use simple language and avoid blaming language.
Remain calm: Children look to you to determine how they should feel, so try to remain calm and confident about the situation.
Reassure them: Let your children know they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Reassure them that both parents will still be a part of their lives and that you will work to maintain their lives as much as possible.
Listen to them: Allow your children to express their feelings and concerns about the divorce. Validate their emotions and let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused.
Avoid sharing too much information: Be honest, but avoid sharing too much adult information that may be inappropriate or overwhelming for them.
Maintain routines: Try to maintain your children’s routines as much as possible, such as their school and extracurricular activities.
Have check-ins often: Continue to process with, talk to, and listen to your children throughout the entire divorce process.
Seek professional help if needed: Consider seeking the help of a mental health professional who specializes in working with children and families experiencing divorce.
Remember, every child is different and may react to the news of divorce in their own way. By approaching the conversation with sensitivity, openness, and nondefensiveness, you can help your child navigate this difficult time and adjust to the changes ahead.
We at D’Arienzo Psychology can assist you and your family along your separation or divorce journey. Contact us at 904-379-8094 or admin@darienzopsychology.com for more information. We offer the following family divorce services:
